Guy: Yeah...
Chick: You shouldn't smoke.
Guy: You shouldn't suck so much dick but you don't hear me criticize you five times a day.
Chick: [Mouth wide open in shock.]
Guy: To start you should try closing your mouth!
--B Train
Dad to pre-teen daughter about mom: She is on the rag today. Don't talk to her this moringing, she's got an attitude.
--R Train
Homeless man: Hello, everyone. My name is Mike*, and I'm homeless and starving. If you have any- [His cell phone rings.] Excuse me. [Picks up phone.] I'm working, man, what's up?
--Q Train
Woman dragging her dog away from another dog who is barking frantically: You know what? You're just cuter than her. That's why she's so upset.
--Ditmars Blvd, Astoria
White Girl: I'm leaving this city, it's all just bed bugs and bad drugs.
--Queensboro Plaza
Upper-East-Side lady on cell: I know, but I was at a funeral all day...Yeah, it was sad, but I really didn't know him at all...This saddest thing was seeing his daughters upset. They're the same ages as--Wow! This shirt is only $19!! You can't even buy a freaking Frappuccino for $19! I'm getting it in blue.
--Banana Republic, 86th & 3rd
Male student #1: Your sister has the best tasting punani in New York.
Male student #2: I'll pay for lunch if you promise not to say that again.
--Columbia University
